Doctor Darius J. Diatribe -- Frontier Proctologist, adviser to the great and powerful, discoverer of the science of Societal Proctology by which, Doc believes, all the world's ills could be cured. Has lived a very long time but is still spritely as ever thanks to maintaining good digestion. See his bio for more details.
Clarence Pennyfeather -- Former high level functionary in Her Majesty's government, now the faithful and trustworthy right-hand man of Doctor Diatribe.
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