Deadly Babies
A recent Finnish study showing that boy babies shorten the lifespan of women has galvanized feminist groups worldwide.

In Seattle, Women Heartily Into Promoting the Emasculation of Men met long into the night. After heated debate the WHIP EM Executive Committee reluctantly decided against calling for the immediate elimination of men.

Instead, the Committee issued a resolution demanding the following notice be tattooed all male abdomens:

Warning: Sexual activity may lead to the production of boys, which has been determined to be hazardous to your health.

Meanwhile, mothers in several states have filed lawsuits accusing their rambunctious nine-year-olds of hate crimes.


  ¶ Dr. Diatribe > 9:18 PM   (Email this rant to a friend)

  UN Snotty-Nose Kid Conference Ends On Shrill Note
The United Nations has concluded its first annual Conference of Snotty-Nose Kids.

"The Secretary General thought it would be an especially grating and unproductive idea to bring scores of obnoxious children together, coach them on self-righteous, politically correct screed, and let them tell off world leaders," commented UN Assistant High Commissioner for Empty Symbolism Hailie Gonzalez. "I believe we achieved the desired effect."

"You adults have left us nothing but the Ozone Hole, Global Warming, and the Ozzy Ozbourne Show!" cried young Pierre Heinrich Suzuki. "How can you not be ashamed of yourselves?"

Five year-old Yasser Chang Djbouti summed up the feelings of many: "You saddle my generation with trillions of dollars in debt and pick on me when I don't clean up my room. I don't like you anymore!"
  ¶ Dr. Diatribe > 6:23 PM   (Email this rant to a friend)